Freeing Yourself From Food Guilt
In my work, both at the hospital and with my clients here at BIN, it really strikes me how much emotion and guilt surround the foods we eat, making us “good” or “bad” people in any given moment. We've been conditioned into a world that treats food as an "indulgence" to be restrained, instead of something we literally need to survive, live our best life, and yes, achieve the goals we want to achieve, whatever they may be. So, how do you break that cycle of guilt when everyone around you, in the media, on the internet, and maybe even in your own circle, is pushing that on you?
One thing I regularly stress with my clients is to practice thinking about their nutrition logistically, not emotionally. Nutrition is not a moral compass for your character and it never will be. What it is, is a toolbox with lots of different tools that we can pull out and use as needed. And when I say practice, I mean literally “practice.”
If you’re trying to lose weight, what’s the tool you’ll probably use? An energy deficit, right? Is there something morally superior about an energy deficit? No, it’s just the tool that is appropriate, considering your specific goal, to create the outcome you’re looking for. It doesn’t make you a morally bad person if you regularly don’t hit that deficit. What this does do, over long periods of time, is logistically change the outcome of what you’re doing because the tool is not actually being used. It’s not something to be ashamed of; it’s just how it works, you know?
The way I want you to practice this is by taking any emotionally-charged or morally-charged statement you have around food, and literally STOP. Break it down into a more neutral statement that turns this from emotion into a fact as it relates to your goal. For example:
“My meals were horrible this week; I feel guilty and embarrassed because I can't do this.”
Okay, that statement has some significant moral thoughts attached to it, and you don’t deserve that. Can we break it down into something more neutral to get to the root of the problem with those meals?
“I’m trying to stick to a calorie deficit, but this meal made it really difficult for me because it used up a lot all at once, and I had to either go over calories or end up hungry at the end of the day to stay in my deficit. Ending up in this position left me feeling pretty awful, so this might not be the right time for a meal like that.”
This is a pretty close paraphrase to something a client has actually sent me, and it was amazing to see how she was able to separate the situation from her own character and focus on how something worked or didn’t work, instead of immediately placing blame that she didn’t deserve to feel. I love these moments!
It’s okay to recognize that something you did didn’t work out well. That awareness is never a bad thing! But to break this cycle of guilt and shame, we need to directly relate these experiences to the goal we have instead of letting ourselves and our character be the end-all-be-all of it.
If you’re feeling stress or shame surrounding food, of course, you should communicate that to your coach, as we want to know and help you build a relationship with food that is not centered on guilt. But the first step in walking away from food guilt is practicing verbalizing problems you encounter without immediately designating YOU as the problem in all of this. That's unfair to you, and what's more, it immediately creates another barrier that stops you from feeling like you can move forward from this moment.
Nutrition is so valuable in the learning experiences that we have, through those times when things simply don’t work out how we want them to. By turning it from inherently blaming ourselves into looking at the logistics, we open up a “next step” – logistically, that choice didn’t fit well, so next time we can remember how that didn’t work, rule that out when options come up again, and try something else that might fit a little better with your goal.
Logistically, if weight loss is a goal you want, we want to look at what’s stopping you from using that tool (the calorie deficit) and troubleshoot, chipping away at the different barriers that might be stopping you from using that tool effectively. Alternatively, you may want to look at your life and realistically think about whether you are in a mindset where using that tool is appropriate in this moment. You might feel better using that tool if it’s not leading directly to feelings of shame, and we might want to practice that first, so you can use the tool out of kindness to yourself rather than as a punishment. Every situation is okay because it’s to make YOU feel your best, and that can look different for everyone. Nutrition is for life; there will be different seasons where different tools are appropriate to use, and that has nothing to do with your character as a human being. Today, I challenge you to practice separating your nutrition, full of tools to help you (not hurt you), from your personal character. It may not feel natural at first, but that’s what “practice” is for.
Written by: Sam Lazar, Black Iron Nutrition Coach