Do you have the support you need?

Problem-solving has many layers.  You’re here and I’m here because we have a problem that we’ve yet to solve on our own.  We’re here because we need help.  There’s nothing wrong with needing help. Everyone needs help with something in their lives at some point. As you start to outline the things you need or the actions you need to take to solve a problem, it may take a bit to get going. But at some point, it starts to build like a classic cartoon snowball rolling down a hill.  Here is a sample list of things or actions you’ve likely done as you started your journey with BIN solve this problem.

  • Read FD 2.0
  • Purchased a scale
  • Purchased a flexible tape measure
  • Outlined a plan for training
  • Outlined a plan for meals
  • Purchased a food scale
  • Downloaded a food tracking app
  • Mindlessly scrolled through recipes on Pinterest
  • Purchased an Instant Pot!

Maybe you did all of these things.  Maybe you did some.  I certainly have minus the last one :). Now that is quite a list and I’m sure more could be added.  There is one item that I would add as a requirement. Support.  Yes, Support.  It's more of a question than something you check off. Your coach can provide plenty of support.  I’m not going to get into details of that as I’m not a coach and really can’t speak from that perspective. I’m talking about support of a partner, friend, sibling, parent, child, co-worker, or gym-buddy.  The ones that you get to see you every day. 

You’re trying to solve a problem that will manifest in changes between relationship and the support from the people closest to you.  It's not something that I necessarily thought about in the beginning but it will happen.  By taking this step is has already happened. You may assume the people around you want the best for the best part of you, but that may not be true. The process will certainly expose that. You want to have people around you that WANT THE BEST FOR THE BEST PART OF YOU. That is non-negotiable. It's acceptable and desirable to interact with people who are facilitating your development. You want people that will cooperate with you and move towards a better future. 

So naturally, the question then becomes: How do I know if someone is helping me facilitate a better future? I’d like to propose two ways to measure that. 

  • You can tell them bad news and they will listen
  • You can tell them good news and they will help you celebrate.

Nothing is worse than getting the courage to open up to someone you trust only to have them ignore what you just said and then go on their own tangent about something worse that happened to them.  Or even better, something worse that happened to someone they know. How does that help?  It doesn’t.  You’re not opening up so that you can both drown in misery and continue to pull yourself down into some wretched circle of negative emotion.  

Same goes for good news. You’re trying to climb uphill to solve a problem and you’ve overcome this small hurdle.  Guess what, that small hurdle is actually a big hurdle to you.  You’re so afraid to share something positive for fear that someone may knock it down.  Which is what happens with people you don’t want the best for you.  It's the same pattern.  Its minimized and they refocus the conversation on them.  It's unacceptable. 

You’re sharing both good and bad news because you’re trying to become braver to face the problem you’re solving. You don’t make progress by being less afraid of tackling the problem.  You need to express the negative and positive emotions with people that can help build you up with more courage to continue tackling the problem. 

It's not self-evident how you should handle people in your life that do not help provide you with more courage. I’ve taken action to minimize my contact with those like this.  But that’s only after we’ve had a discussion about how we should be supporting each other. I don’t want to enable the pattern so, for now, that’s the best action I can think of.

What is evident is finding and facilitating relationships with people that can meet the criteria. It's not an easy task.  It will take time. Any transformation takes time.  Sacrificing the time now to have a better future is worth it.  Don’t sacrifice who you could be for you who are.

You have the right and responsibility to surround yourself with people who are good for the best part of you.  So start doing something about it. Add it to list.  Start making progress.  Find those that want to help you become more brave at tackling the problems in life. 

Author: Josh McAtee, @joshskitchn